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Zurvivalist Stories – Christina’s Survival Plan

Zombie Tales By June 19, 2012 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , No Comments

Episode 4

Subject Name: Christina

Subject Location: Ciales, Puerto Rico Original

Jarbo: Everybody, we’re back with another installment of “The Zurvivalist”, that’s the name of our new show here on K-zone radio and to commemorate this very special occasion on getting a brand new name and a brand new website, I like to welcome Christina from Puerto Rico! We have her tonight with us. How you doing Christina?

Christina: Doing very well!

Jarbo: Awesome! The question I always ask, and you’re going to experience it first time right now is, what would you do to survive a Zombie outbreak?

Christina: Well, hypothetically speaking if I was at my house which is in the middle of the Island of Puerto Rico, in town called Ciales. We’re about 15 minutes north of Manati, and Manati is real close to the military base for the national guards and the army, things like that. I would first of all grab my kids, grab my husband and we would start to gather things in the house. I’d have my eight year old grab the butcher knives. I’ve got samurai swords in my bedroom. Well, guns ran out of ammo but we will bring whatever guns we got. We have six guns in the house, and we have probably 25 rounds per guns in the house

Jarbo: Damn!

Christina: Well, we live with two cops and you know what I mean? It’s just ridiculous! We have three security guards and everything.

Jarbo: Okay, so see that’s what we have ammunitions covered? That’s good!

Christina: Yeah we have partial armory in my house, but the Samurai sword is mine, it is from Japan which is awesome!

Jarbo: Is it really sharp? Can it cut through flesh and bone?

Christina: Absolutely! Absolutely! I’ve seen it cut through concrete.

Jarbo: Oh no shit…

Christina: Yeah! No shit.

Jarbo: Awesome! So you’d be like leave the pack you know? With the samurai sword upfront? And just be all like KEEYAH!

Christina: Well actually, no! My husband would be doing that and I’ll be guarding my kids.

Jarbo: Right, good idea!

Christina: My husband will be out in the front with a meat cleaver, because we have a huge meat cleaver that killed the pigs and the chicken, things like that, so we’ll go ahead and get down with that. He can have that but he’ll go Rambo style, you know navy seal and things like that. And you know try to live in the forest… try to survive, but we have a truck that you can go riding in the mountains. It’s kind of like a jeep but it’s covered all the way around. I would need to keep our water bottled. Bare necessities, not even our clothes, no nothing, just pack your shirt and get the fuck out, excuse my language.

Jarbo: its okay anything goes here on the show.

Christina: Because the hills they are only like a road that has two sides to it and it goes too on the sides of the mountains. So if you make a mistake then you’re screwed, if you’re on the other side of the mountains. I’m imagining in the Zombie attack everyone is panicky, the roads are
going to be cluttered with garbage and people and cars. So you can’t go that route. So I know we would probably get down to the bottom and we’re by the river all the way to the bay. I’ve actually seen it, my friend had got one, it’s a solid powered yacht, only 50 ft but you know? It works!

Jarbo: Oh wait! Wait! Wait! A solar –

Christina: – Powered Yacht!

Jarbo: You got to be shifting me!

Christina: Nope! I’m not shitting you; it has solar panels all lined in the tops of its deck that you can’t even see.

Jarbo: You would just like, so you would go to the yacht, that’s…

Christina: Well that’s my mission to get there. I’m going to kill anybody and everybody out of my way. I’m not there to help nobody, I’m not there to save you, if you’re crying for help and I know you’re human what have you, I don’t know how, how it’s passed on, I am taking no chances, you know what I’m saying? Nobody is worth my babies.

Jarbo: So you would just kill every person that got in the way.

Christina: I will kill everybody I see.

Jarbo: Wow!

Christina: If you’re in my way, I will kill anybody. Absolutely!

Jarbo: Well, that’s pretty brutal.

Christina: You’d be fucked! I won’t go out of my way to chase you but if you come in to me for help or for anything, to eat me or what have you, it is so on and I will cut you, I will cut you so bad!

Jarbo: I believe you! I believe you!

Christina: I don’t know the scenario on how the zombie attacks start, is it viral? Is it air born? Is it like you know, is it the typical zombie movie type of thing?

Jarbo: Yeah you know it’s kind of what it is, like you know I never specify what kind of zombie it is most of the time. I’m talking about generic. One bite you get, you turn, and you know destroy

Christina: So you got to stab them in brain and cut off their head that kind of thing. So yeah I’d be so down with it, I’d be terrified as hell but I would do it.

Jarbo: So your mission is to get from your house to the yacht. How far of a distance is that?

Christina: That’s about 30 miles.

Jarbo: 30 miles okay. And how many people are in your city?

Christina: Oh man!

Jarbo: Like a couple of million, or a hundred thousand

Christina: Oh not even, it’s….In…Ciales? Probably, maybe a thousand?

Jarbo: Oh maybe a thousand, so it’s really small?

Christina: Yeah!

Jarbo: So you probably wouldn’t have much of a problem killing the locals

Christina: No! Killing stupid people. There are even stupid people there that don’t have birth certificates and stuff, most of these people are having, you know, kids and stuff back in the old country, but they don’t have records of them being born. So they go out to live in the mountains like Hillbillies and all that, you know, but they don’t have a record that they are there, so you could be fighting a lot more than that. Because these people are sneaky, and there are lots of them. It would probably be safe going down the side of the mountain and following the river. Because with the river, you could have your getaway, and it will slow them down cause of the
water. You’ve got the advantage cause you could see what’s surrounds you, all the way around you, and you’ll be on top of the mountain.

Jarbo: So it’s a pretty good advantage point. Take the road by the river.

Christina: Yeah, but once you get towards where the river turns into a bigger river. When you start getting into a bigger body of water then you got to go back up the other side of the mountain! And then once you go back up, then you can go around the back side on an old road that goes to the side of the mountain, to a new road and you can go down to the… I forgot the name of that beach where they have that yacht.

Jarbo: But you know the beach and you know the yacht?

Christina: Yeah I know where it is located.

Jarbo: How would you get supplies?

Christina: I would break in to someone’s home. I wouldn’t go into stores. I won’t go to Wal-Mart. I’ll break in to people’s home, only three homes the most. Take their food, take whatever I can, like first-aid kits, or alcohol – things like that. And I would just go savaging people’s homes, but I would avoid big huge places. Never ever go where there could be lots and lots of people trying to do the same thing you are.

Jarbo: Good plan ha! Keep out of the lime light. You don’t want to be caught.

Christina: Yeah not only that, but if one person gets turned in that Wal-Mart, and the next thing you know it’s a mad haven and you don’t know where the infection is going to be at.

Jarbo: True! True!

Christina: So you want to be safe. Just me and my husband, and my two kids and kill whoever is on that yacht. I feel sorry for them. Friend or no friend, I feel sorry for them.

Jarbo: So, it really doesn’t matter, even if your best friend’s on there, or do you tell them to “get the fuck out”?

Christina: Absolutely, I won’t save the fucker, I’ll kill him.

Jarbo: Alright that’s understandable, that makes sense. So, here’s the question, once you get on the yacht, you kill the owners and you toss the bodies over, where would you go from there?

Christina: Well because the boat has a purifying system, it will filter the water and it will recycle everything and we wouldn’t have to stop for water, we wouldn’t stop for gas. My husband can go fishing and I can go fishing. I don’t necessarily know where we’d go, we’d probably stay out there until we hear a news from the radio, but I’m pretty sure all radio communication will be gone by that point, so I don’t know.

Jarbo: So you would just jump on the boat and, and waited out cause I mean technically if it has everything that you need. You really have no need to go anywhere else.

Christina: That’s why I chose to go there. Because I used to work in a military base closed to Manti. And I thought about it and I said no, I can’t, what if they have they taken over? What if they are infected? What if they are the one who started it? They go to chew you when you walk up. You know that kind of stuff. Plus it’s bigger more crowd cause everybody will be going there.

Jarbo: True! People will all be running towards that military base, like its crazy. So let me ask you the last question which would be, what would you do if you are bit, and you’re going to become a zombie? What would you do?

Christina: Honestly, I would probably ask my husband to drop me off somewhere and shoot me. But, before I try, I would want to see, the last thing I see to be my kids. If it would be possible, humanly possible that right before I turn, I just want to see my kids, and then he could
take me out cause I wouldn’t care, I’ll be dead already. Just kill me! But I can’t do it myself; I’m too scared to do it myself.

Jarbo: Well a lot of people are. So that’s all the time we have for this week. And Christina thank you very much for bring on the show, that’s definitely I should say that’s the most interesting conversation I’ve had so far with somebody about surviving the Zombie attack. And for all of you guys listening at home, you guys can always check out our new website at Until next time this is Jarbo and I’ll see you guys later.


Zurvivalist Stories – Geoff’s Survival Plan

Zombie Tales By June 12, 2012 No Comments

Episode 3 Subject Name: Geoff

Subject Location: El Cajon, CA
Jarbo: Alright, this is Jarbo, we’re back with another episode of KZOM Radio Presents “How Would You Survive a Zombie Outbreak?” I’m with Geoff, also from San Diego, California. So Geoff, million dollar question, how would you survive a zombie outbreak?

Geoff: Well, that brings a lot of questions. Are we dealing with the fast zombies, or the slow zombies? Well, I’m just gonna say we’re dealing with both the fast and slow zombies.

Jarbo: So there’s an evolutionary phase in zombies. Like, when they first die, they’re fast because their bodies haven’t hit rigor mortis yet?

Geoff: Yeah, that’s good, totally. That’s tough. My initial reaction is to get supplies, to get to a Wal-Mart or something but if it’s gonna be happening during the daytime, I definitely don’t want to be near Wal-Mart because there’s a whole bunch of really crazy people like myself trying to get supplies. So, I’ll probably hop in my car and go to more the rural part of San Diego, more like the Santee area, probably go more north and west where there’s more farm and stuff. Hit a general store up there.

Jarbo: You’re gonna try to avoid like major Wal-Mart or Food-4-Less, but what about Costco? Do you think people would hit Costco?

Geoff: What you got to think is there are a lot of people there and I don’t know exactly how the zombie outbreak is starting. Whether it’s staring small and getting larger, so I’d probably just get a few supplies and then try to pick up a couple of people, maybe 2, 3 or 4 people of equal gender disparagement for helping me out.

Jarbo: Ok, So you wanna get survivors? Now, would you pick your friends or pick your family?

Geoff: I’d try and take my friends first probably because they a little easier to manage but I definitely had to pick up, you know, obviously I got a lot of guy friends, not so much girl friends. I don’t know if I would want to pick up my girlfriend though because she’s kind of crazy. I don’t know if that would work to my advantage or this disadvantage.

Jarbo: So you’re just gonna leave your girlfriend behind, like “fuck it?”

Geoff: Well yeah, I mean this is a survival situation and I don’t want to be burden by those hard choices, you know?

Jarbo: Understandable, that can make sense. So you’re gonna get your supplies, you’re gonna get your friends and maybe some family, but what about weapons? What kind of stuff would you want for protecting?

Geoff: Well, I was thinking about this, and for a long time I’ve thought of an automatic rifle but I think maybe — See, I know the shotguns and how good they are against regular people and zombies, but just the sheer amount of shells that you have to carry and the fact that it doesn’t have long range. I’d probably have to mix the weapons up between survivors. One would be like a shotgun specialist, and another person would be someone using an assault rifle so you can get some range. So if there are zombies coming on the horizon, one person can start to open up some cover fire while the shotgun guy, you know, hidden, getting stuff ready for when they get closer.

Jarbo: So, would you build a barrier between you and the zombies?

Geoff: I don’t think I’d be sticking around long enough to build a barrier. It could be real run and gun, gathering some supplies, getting transportation, so the reason you have some people with you is that so you can operate more vehicles and thus carry more equipments.

Jarbo: What would you do for transportation? Would you steal vehicles?

Geoff: Oh yeah, definitely. In San Diego, I live in the El Cajon area, which is more inland, there’s a whole bunch of car dealerships around here, and I’d probably hit up a Ford place, or something that has decent off road capability and decent gas mileage and a large storage capacity. So maybe an SUV or a truck. Maybe one of those hybrid SUVs, though I don’t know how good they’d be off-roading.

Jarbo: Yeah, the hybrids, I’m not so sure they’d handle rugged terrain.

Yacht of the ApocalypseGeoff: I’m not going for long term using of the cars. This is just for gathering up supplies, because what I plan to do is I’m just gonna assume that zombies can’t swim because they lack the physician coordination for it, and I was thinking about getting a nice yacht, because there’s a whole bunch of yachts down over by the bay over here, and just sailing away. Go off to some island with a population less than a thousand. I’m going to assume that the zombie infection didn’t spread there, just as a precautionary measure. So, taking off a thousand people in the island definitely is a lot easier than to kill how many millions of people we have in the San Diego area.

Jarbo: I believe the census is in the neighborhood of San Diego County is like 3.5 million?

Geoff: Yeah, see. I don’t know even if I’d be a really good shot, I don’t know if I could carry 3.5 million bullets.

Jarbo: True, true. But then the question about your yacht escape, the nearest island off the coast of San Diego, based on what I’m able to see here, is the Coronado Islands which are down in Mexico, which are right there. I think the only thing other than that would be Catalina, a little north, which would probably be a safe zone, or Guam.

Geoff: Guam?

Jarbo: Guam’s a ways away. So would you choose the uninhabited Coronado Islands of Mexico or the buffalo-roaming island of Catalina?

Geoff: Oh, there’s buffalo there? That’s actually a good idea. My original thought was to get somewhere in the temperate zone so when it turns into winter, it’s actually cold and the zombies would move slower but for long term survival, I guess, having animals and stuff around the island would be good for a nice protein to enhance our farming-based economy that we’re gonna have. So yeah, let’s go to Catalina Island.

Jarbo: Catalina Island is a good place to go. I’ve never been there, but I heard about it.

Geoff: There’s some infrastructures already set-up there, guessing I could round up a couple of survivors, and get a nice good genetic mix and we could hold off there for the very least, a couple of months, probably more like a couple of years and see where this whole zombie infection thing is going. I mean, maybe if we can hold up on the island long enough, we can get contacted by the navy, because I doubt that the navy would get all fucked up, being all in the carriers inside.

Jarbo: Yeah, well at the same point in time, keep in mind Catalina Island is a tourist destination within Southern California, what would be your plan of attack? When you get there maybe it’s already broken out or people have tried to establish some form of new government, how would you handle that scenario?

Geoff: Well, if the zombie infection has broken out, like I’ve said earlier, I would just assume that the zombie infection has broken out, so if there are people there that are just normal people living their daily life and then we show up with guns and supplies, crying about the end of the
world. I’d definitely try to start some sort of “We’re serious, we’re not joking around, check-out some of your radio frequencies and you could see what I’m saying” situation.. If there’s already some sort of dictatorship being set up there, Oh man, that would totally suck.

Jarbo: Yeah, well let me ask you my last question which is if you were bitten, what would you do?

Geoff: I guess. I’d have to deal with my mood. If I’m just super pissed, I’m just gonna have to say like “Fuck all y’all” and let the infection take course, but you know what? I’ll probably be in somewhat good spirits, because it’s always been a fantasy of mine, switching to survival mode and start scavenging society, so I’d probably pull of a ‘Terminator 2: Judgment Day’ sort of thing with the black guy. Yeah, that guy was cool. I’d hold up a grenade and when I can’t hold it anymore, just let it go and just BOOM!

Jarbo: You would self-sacrifice then?

Geoff: Yes.

Jarbo: Alright, that’s all the time that we have for this week. Thank you Geoff for being here, we really appreciate it.

Geoff: No problem

Jarbo: And as always guys, I’m Jarbo, you guys can reach us at, and be sure to leave us a message if you want to be interviewed. That’s what Geoff did and that’s how he got here. Until next week, we’ll see you then.


Zurvivalist Stories – Maeve’s Survival Plan

Preparedness, Zombie Tales By June 6, 2012 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , No Comments

Interview and post from the

Episode 2 Subject Name: Maeve

Subject Location: San Diego, CA
Jarbo: Alright, we are back with another edition of KZOM Radio Presents “How Would You Survive a Zombie Breakout?” I’m your host Jarbo, and I’m here today with Maeve from San Diego, California. How are you doing today Maeve?

Maeve: I’m doing great Jarbo, thank you very much.

Jarbo: Awesome, awesome. So the question of the hour the question I always ask is; how would you survive a zombie outbreak? What would you do?

Maeve: Ok, I have multiple evacuation plans when it comes to zombies because they freak me the heck out. So I need to ask some specific questions. First, are we talking zombies from a viral outbreak or are we talking about magical voodoo zombies?

Jarbo: I’ve always liked the idea from the Romero’s standings, they’re slow moving, they’re a constant wave. The running zombies, they’re fun but they seem kind of fake to me. So let’s go with the old school, walking zombies.

Zombie CowgirlMaeve: Ok, yeah, because those running zombies from a couple of the new movies out, they freak me the heck out. So running zombies, if there wasn’t, well we’re not going talk about that, but if there was, I’ve got an extra road right there in the ocean. I’ve got a seawater distillation, it’s a little pump, I can make fresh water, we get fish, and we’re good. But slow zombies, that’s perfect. I’m down in San Diego National City/Chula Vista area. We got 4 horses. Pretty much what my evacuation plan deals a lot with machetes, knives, axes and getting the heck out of the city via the horse trails up in to Cuyamaca Mountains. We all know that zombies walk downhill. All the movies where I see the zombies, they either walk in flat or they’re going downhill. They do not shamble well uphill. Well, the second thing is you would want to get away from people. I don’t know why it is that zombies ramble so slowly, yet they can always catch you, I guess its numbers, because they’re like ants. They got the numbers on their side. They seem to be attracted to screaming virgins and people that think they’re going to shoot their way out of the situation. So, loud noise and screaming virgins. So you want to stay away from both of those. If you can possibly get a bicycle. Definitely, the bike, because horses when they smell the undead, they shy away from them a little bit because of the creep factor. If you can get anywhere around moving waters. So me and my buddies, we actually have a cabin up in the mountains. It’s fully stocked and certified, pretty much in case of an airborne, bird flu virus that the government talks about. So the cabin is totally stocked, so that would be perfect. So the cabin’s got water on three sides, it’s up on the mountains, it’s got at least two months worth of food in there for 6 or 7 people. It’s got a really good basement, and there are knives and axes, but there’s no guns. I don’t like guns.

Jarbo: But do you think guns would be necessary? I mean, at least for getting away?

Maeve: Yeah, I think if they’re close enough. I’ve never seen any shambling zombies, Ok I have. In the very beginning you’ll see one or two shambling zombies but there are going to be a ton of gun-happy people riding around shooting anything that moves. So personally, I don’t even want to be around people, and especially in San Diego because they’re known for everybody, including my father, has a ton of guns. They’re all very NRA here.

Jarbo: There are tons of guns in San Diego, yes.

Maeve: (laughs) Yeah, especially with Mexico right on the border, especially on Cinco De Mayo. So, no. I don’t think guns are good idea because zombies, once again, are attracted by noise. Sure, you’ll shoot one or two of them, but they you’d got the rest of the flock coming over and checking out. So, no, I don’t think guns are good idea. They’re definitely a short fix, and if you’re talking dry undead zombies or if you’re talking squishy zombies. I’ve seen people shooting into zombies 10 to 12 times, 14 times and they still walk.

Jarbo: Well, because you have to hit the sweet spot. You’ve got to shoot them in the brain or remove the head, that’s like really the only way.

Maeve: That’s fine. Yeah. But have you ever tried to shoot someone from the distance?

Jarbo: I personally have never tried to shoot anyone other than with a paintball gun or air soft, but the average person cannot shoot past 20 feet accurately with a gun.

Maeve: I’m the only one who doesn’t really like carrying guns, but most of my friends are in the military so they kill people for living and they’re really good shots. We’ll be fine up in the mountains, but I’d really prefer it if they’d use axes, machetes, something that you don’t have to worry about not having anymore ammo.

Jarbo: True, but you d have to worry about the sharpness factor of the weapon. Now in your cabin, do you have a sharpening stone or anything that can do that kind of stuff?

Maeve: Oh, I have multiple. I’ve got an axe on my wall. And my daughter asks “Why do you even have an axe on your wall behind the door?”, “Ah that’s for zombies, I’m prepared”.

Jarbo: So you’re instilling the zombie survival techniques to your daughters?

Maeve: Yeah. They know it’s a phobia of mine. If you’re gonna have a phobia, it might as well be with something that you’re probably not gonna run into unless you live within Louisiana. It’s not the zombie survival that I think I’m really working with them, its survival. Because you know, a Crackhead, is more like a zombie, you know.

Jarbo: Yeah, instead of wanting brains, they want crack!

Maeve: Their behavior, they stumble around, they’re not really thinking. You can’t really know with them.

Jarbo: Let me ask you this, let me ask you. So you got a cabin on the woods, you got a supply of food for 2 months for 7 people, and you have your friends and you have your family. Now who would you take? Who would be the 7 people that you would take with you to your cabin, and why?

Maeve: Ah see, that would be a hard thing for me because I’m a bleeding heart, you know, “Oh we could save everybody. Everybody could climb up to the cabin.” That would be hard. Ah, it would be myself, my mother, my 2 daughters, my Dad because he’s got the keys.

Jarbo: Would you keep those like reserved spots for anyone along the way like with a specific skill like the last caller who wanted nerds to program satellites and fly a Gulfstream? Yeah, would you wanna find, like in San Diego, there’s a lot of different kinds of people, there’s mechanics, there’s the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) that’s out here, there’s-

Maeve: Oh, I’m in the SCA.

Jarbo: Oh, you’re in the SCA. So you probably kicked everybody’s ass?

Maeve: I do really well in close encounters. That’s the other reason I don’t use guns, because I was raise with swords and shields, just beating crap out of people.

Jarbo: So you would be in there with sword and shield, horde the zombies, cut them into pieces. That would be great, I actually want to see that.

Maeve: Have you ever seen them bite through armor? No, always with the girls with the low cut shirts that are getting bit.

Jarbo: So what you’re saying is if you’re a girl with big tits, definitely don’t go anywhere near a zombie, because you’re screwed.

Maeve: (laughs) Yeah, especially if you’re not a virgin. You know, they love the non-virginal blood. The last two spots, seriously, would probably go to my military buddies. Like I said, they kill people for a living and they’ve got insane survival skills. They’re teddy bears when they’re not working, but when they’re working they’re scary. So I definitely would bring two scary people.

Jarbo: Awesome. So let me ask you, I guess pretty much the big question aside from the how would you survive this, what would you do if you were bit? Would you kill yourself? Would you wait, or would you just take on your life as a zombie?

Maeve: Oh, negative. No, there’s no way I would take on life as a zombie. Are we talking like you bite and you die?

Jarbo: Yeah, a bite and you will succumb eventually.

Maeve: Yeah, if I got bitten, definitely I would make sure I can help out as best as I could and have the guys take me out by chopping off my head. You know, say my goodbyes, and say “I love you”. There’s no way that I would live as a zombie.

Jarbo: So you have your plan, all the way till the out, in case that ever happens. I figure that’s pretty in-depth. You will go out to middle of nowhere, you already have a plan, so you’ve been thinking about this. That’s amazing. And that’s really all the time that we have for this week. Thank you very much Maeve for being on the show. I appreciate it.

Maeve: Thank you very much Jarbo for having me.

Jarbo: Awesome. And as always, you guys can go to, or you could message me on there if you want to be on the show. Until next week, we’ll see you guys later and think about how you would survive a zombie outbreak. Goodbye!


Zurvivalist Stories – Jason’s Survival Plan

Preparedness, Zombie Tales By May 28, 2012 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , No Comments

Interview and post from the

Zombies. Who doesn’t love zombies? Ever since George Romero unleashed his original
masterpiece upon the world, we’ve been enamored with the walking dead. We’ve seen countless
movies, books, video games, comics, and even highly organized Zombie Crawls through major
metropolitan areas. All of these are our expressions of love of a genre that is of the most
terrifying. When we think about the zombie apocalypse, we all think different things. Some of us
think about how cool it would be to grab a shotgun and gleefully slaughter your asshole neighbor
or coworker. Some of us want to put our survival skills to the test. And some of us want to have
civilization start over again. We all have our reasons for wanting to daydream about the undead
rising and consuming the flesh of the living, and it was with that thought in mind that The
Zurvivalist came to be.
In the June of 2008, I was sitting in the Producer’s Lounge of a small production studio I worked
at in El Cajon, California with my best friends Mark, and Geoff. We were doing what we usually
did on a Tuesday night. We were drinking an 18-pack of beer and watching seasons of It’s
Always Sunny In Philadelphia. As the night progressed, we began asking each other random
questions, and laughing at the drunken responses that we said. But then Geoff asked the question
that spawned all of this. He asked me…

“How would you survive a zombie outbreak?”

My mind immediately jumped to the “I’ll raid a Wal-Mart and head out into the mountains”
thought process, but that didn’t seem right. It was a valid question. Up until that moment in time,
I hadn’t ever put much thought into what I would do if the Zombies suddenly came and started
taking over. I had read (and subsequently loved) both Max Brooks novels. Both Mark and I were
fervent fans of his writings, and often discussed our favorite stories from World War Z. I had to
ask myself “What would I really do?” As the night went on, we never really came to a
conclusion for the question, but the idea of it stuck with me.
About a week later, I was spending a few hours in a Skypecast (which was a voice chat room
within Skype – I’m still bummed they got rid of it), and I met this guy from Phoenix named
Jason. He was a software tech, living on the outskirts of the city with this family. We got on the
subject of zombies, and we began discussing our survival plans.

That is when the idea struck me. I could interview him on how he would survive, and make it the
pilot episode of a new podcast. I had recently ended a 9 month video game podcast, and I still
had all the programs needed to record the call from Skype. I asked Jason if he was interested in
letting me interview him, and he agreed. Less than 5 minutes later, everything was hooked up
and we were ready to roll. I asked him questions about what he’d do to survive, and he answered
them. Before I knew it, 10 minutes had passed and we were done. I thanked him for his help and
he logged off. I listened to the recording again, and I was struck with another idea: I would create
a Paranormal & Supernatural podcast network on YouTube… and I would call it KZOM Radio.
From there, I sought out more people to interview for future episodes. I asked friends, and I
posted on every zombie forum I could find. I was able to line up 4 more interviewees and record
them very quickly. At first the show was called “KZOM Radio Presents…. How Would You
Survive A Zombie Outbreak?” I’m usually quite horrible with coming up with good titles for
projects, so that name was as good as any to start with. It wasn’t until I was recording Episode 4
with my friend Christina from Puerto Rico, that the name Zurvivalist just popped out. 5 minutes
before starting the interview, the name just popped in my head. It was quirky, it was simple, and
it was perfect. The name stuck, and I quickly worked up a new graphic for the YouTube videos.

Fast forward 2 years: I had just moved to LA to pursue my filmmaking career, and I was looking
for a way to pass the time in between job interviews. My girlfriend Melissa mentioned to me that
I should pick up The Zurvivalist again, and make it popular. I took her advice, and I began to
seek out interviewees for the show. Thankfully, I had met an eager zombie enthusiasts when I
moved to the city, and I was able to convince them to be on the show. Once I had a solid line up
in place, I set out to record season the 18 episode season 2.
What I love the most about this show is that sheer difference in plans between the people I
interview. You’ll read about a guy who plays Call of Duty, and think that he can lure zombies
into a lake to keep them trapped. Or the line in Episode 4, where favorite line from any interview
I’ve done is uttered – “I’ll cut you…I’ll cut you so bad”. There is another interview where a guy
says that he’ll kill his wife and unborn child (that will appear in Volume 2). Some people are
very intricate with their survival plans because they’ve chosen to prepare themselves for a
natural disaster or any event that would cause them to flee the city. Others want to play it by ear
and see how far they can get on their own merit. The fantastic thing about the zombie survival
genre is that it really does take all kinds. Each person has a different plan, and the great thing is
that you – as the reader – can either agree or disagree with them. You might learn a thing or two
that will save your life, or you might learn something that will ultimately end it.

Fast forward 2 years: I had just moved to LA to pursue my filmmaking career, and I was looking
for a way to pass the time in between job interviews. My girlfriend Melissa mentioned to me that
I should pick up The Zurvivalist again, and make it popular. I took her advice, and I began to
seek out interviewees for the show. Thankfully, I had met an eager zombie enthusiasts when I
moved to the city, and I was able to convince them to be on the show. Once I had a solid line up
in place, I set out to record season the 18 episode season 2.

What I love the most about this show is that sheer difference in plans between the people I
interview. You’ll read about a guy who plays Call of Duty, and think that he can lure zombies
into a lake to keep them trapped. Or the line in Episode 4, where favorite line from any interview
I’ve done is uttered – “I’ll cut you…I’ll cut you so bad”. There is another interview where a guy
says that he’ll kill his wife and unborn child (that will appear in Volume 2). Some people are
very intricate with their survival plans because they’ve chosen to prepare themselves for a
natural disaster or any event that would cause them to flee the city. Others want to play it by ear
and see how far they can get on their own merit. The fantastic thing about the zombie survival
genre is that it really does take all kinds. Each person has a different plan, and the great thing is
that you – as the reader – can either agree or disagree with them. You might learn a thing or two
that will save your life, or you might learn something that will ultimately end it.

I am happy to announce that season 3 of The Zurvivalist will begin airing in September, 2011.
So stay tuned, enjoy the interviews, and remember if you have your own ideas on how you
would survive an undead horde coming to eat your brains, drop me a line at, or on twitter at @KZOMRadio. Or if you want to contact me directly, you can find me on twitter at @mjarbo.

One final thing I should note in this eBook. All of these interviews are real. These survival plans
were not coerced or coached in any way. Real people. Real Zombie Survival Plans. Enjoy.
Thank you to everyone who helped support this show, it is truly amazing that a beer-fueled
question has spawned such an outstanding program.

Matt Jarbo –
The Zurvivalist


Episode 1 Subject Name: Jason Subject
Location: Phoenix, AZ

Zombie by Genzoman

Jarbo: You’re listening to KZOM Radio Presents “How Would You Survive a Zombie Outbreak?” I’m your host Jarbo, with me today is Jason from Phoenix, Arizona. In the event of an outbreak in Phoenix, you would?

Jason: There’s an armory a mile away from my house.

Jarbo: Now, this armory, is it a-

Jason: It’s an absolute kick-ass US Army armory where they got helicopters, tanks, humvees, bullets, rock n roll.

Jarbo: Ok, So you would definitely just make your way for the armory?

Jason: Oh definitely. First thing you get.

Jarbo: Now, when you got to the armory, what would you take? Would you take a tank?

Jason: Shotgun.

Jarbo: Just a shotgun?

Jason: No. First thing I’d grab would be a freaking’ shotgun and lots and lots of shells because, for lack of a better word, I’ve shot someone before.

Jarbo: Oh, OK. (Laughs) You kinda know what it’s like then?

Jason: Yeah, I do. So knocking someone down with pellets is… it doesn’t matter if you’re zombie or not, you’re going down.

Jarbo: Now my question is this. So you get a shotgun, would you take any machine guns or carbines or pistols or just like your basic scatter gun, more or less?

Jason: No, shotguns, handguns, ready to eat meals, MRE’s.

Jarbo: Yeah.

Jason: Let’s see here, definitely chlorine tablets to sanitize the water. You got some fabulous Kevlar that goes from top of your head to your feet.

Jarbo: So you’re talking about full body armor.

Jason: Yeah, full body armor.

Jarbo: Ok, that’s cool. Now once you got all that, when you got all that, would you stay on the base or would you want to get out of the city?

Jason: I’ve got a wife and two kids. They would definitely be with me.

Jarbo: OK. Totally! So you have a family to take with you. That changes the equation completely.

Jason: Right, and the perimeter around the base is surrounded by razor wire and I would chain the gates. I would just kinda hang out for a while to see what happened.

Jarbo: Makes sense, but what if there are other people there? Would you want to be alone or would you like to gather survivors and keep everybody safe? Because you’ve seen the movies, they usually can be good for a little bit and then the bigger you get the more likely you are to have someone screw up and then have someone end up letting them in.

Jason: Well, for lack of a better word, I would grab all the geeks. You know, because in Chandler where like next door to Intel. We make microchips here, so if a geek run up to us with his pocket-protector and said “Let me in!” I’d say “Come on in!” But if some of the gang banger
came up, with all of his little gang tattoos, I’d like “Nope, Sorry dude.” You know, there’s this different level of psychology there.

Jarbo: I agree, agree (laughs). That’s an interesting thought. I’ve never thought of it like that. Taking the geeks, because the geeks, we they’re pretty much easy to work with and they know a lot.

Jason: They will figure everything out. You know one of them has got a GPS laptop with them.

Jarbo: Yeah, more or less.

Jason: They can hack into satellites. The armory has a gate that goes right into the airport. I know one of them would know how to figure out how to fly a plane.

Jarbo: Or there might be books on how to do it or if the internet was still available. That’s a pretty good plan, but if you have to leave, you have to flee the city, because it’s Phoenix, so you’re kind of in the middle of nowhere.

Jason: You’re in a valley. It’s like, there’s only two ways out. You’re either going through Flagstaff or you’re going through to Tucson

Jarbo: But how many people are in Phoenix?

Jason: Holy Shit, 6.5 million.

Jarbo: 6.5 millions. You might have a bit of problem on your hands if they, more or less-

Jason: Like I’ve said, I would hang out for a while, hang out for a few weeks, because the first two weeks it’s gonna be hell. But I could hang out for a month. I mean I’m on top of an armory. I’ve got binoculars, I can see what’s going on. They’ve even got two of those drones over there that I’ve driven by. You know the kind that go around and look over the city?

Jarbo: You mean the unarmed area vehicles, the UAVs?

Jason: Yeah, they’ve got a few of those sitting out there.

Jarbo: So that would definitely give you recount ability. So pretty much based on what you told me so far, you would be really set if there was an actual outbreak in Phoenix cause you would just be able to get to a place and hang out for a while. Would you ultimately want to settle there? Let’s say the world government didn’t come back and you lost contact of everybody for quite some time and food supplies are running low, but you could at least get to the airport and get out, like where would you go and why would you go there?

Jason: I’d grab a Gulfstream and I’d probably head for Assateague Island.

Jarbo: Where is that?

Jason: It’s an island off Virginia Beach.

Jarbo: So pretty remote?

Jason: They have extremely high tides and there another other island that United States used to do biological testing on and there’s no bridges there, but you could only get there from Assateague Island.

Jarbo: So Assateague is a jumping point to this other place?

Jason: Right, but it’s not a destination because, hurricanes, they’re bad. I mean they pretty much don’t kill you. I’d have to stay put for a while. If I’m with all the geeks, one them has gotta know shortwave. The shortwave radios, you find out who’s surviving, where they’re surviving. Maybe wait until it hits the middle winter then fly in to Pennsylvania, or fly into to Buffalo or New York, somewhere it’s like horribly cold.

Jarbo: So yeah, once the body freezes, you don’t have anything to worry about until summertime, until they thaw out.

Jason: Right, and by that time, the flies would be pretty much munching away.

Jarbo: But well, there’s always been that threat. So basically, you have to be like an old person.
Have your summer home and have your winter home.

Jason: Exactly.

Jarbo: If you’re gonna go to the island and survive for the spring, summer and fall, then go back to Buffalo or somewhere in the northeast where it’s just ass-cold, that could work out.

Jason: That could be your only saving grace.

Jarbo: Right, you’d have to either live completely in the cold or completely isolated to really survive. That’s pretty cool. That’s a pretty good plan. I actually have never even thought of hitting up a military base, because I’d figure everybody would be there, or an armory, I figured everybody would know about that. But if you could get there first, you kind of own it.

Jason: Oh yeah, you know. If I have to shoot some of the gang bangers before they come in, so be it. But if I see some Intel engineers like “Hey, we can help you fly that plane!” (Laughs) “Come on in!” That’s the thing about Dawn of the Dead. There were no really, really smart people in that group.

Jarbo: Are we talking about the 1978 version or the 2004?

Jason: The 2004.

Jarbo: Oh yeah. Well, they’re kind of smart but they just kind of got lazy.

Jason: They were smart in the conventional sense. You know, they could weld, and they know where to get gasoline, but they were eating up their food like crazy. They weren’t rationing. The guy in the ammo store that they could see I mean he was screwed and then some. It was just a matter-

Jarbo: Total matter of time before Andy died. But it made for good plot device in the movie. Well, thank you very much Jason, but that’s all the time that we got for today.

Jason: You’re welcome. Thanks for having me.

Jarbo: I’d like to thank everyone for listening and tuning in. You can find more episodes of the show at! Thanks!