Zurvivalist Stories – Maeve’s Survival PlanJun 6, 2012 • 2:07 pm No Comments
Interview and post from the zurvivalist.com
Episode 2 Subject Name: Maeve
Subject Location: San Diego, CA
Jarbo: Alright, we are back with another edition of KZOM Radio Presents “How Would You Survive a Zombie Breakout?” I’m your host Jarbo, and I’m here today with Maeve from San Diego, California. How are you doing today Maeve?
Maeve: I’m doing great Jarbo, thank you very much.
Jarbo: Awesome, awesome. So the question of the hour the question I always ask is; how would you survive a zombie outbreak? What would you do?
Maeve: Ok, I have multiple evacuation plans when it comes to zombies because they freak me the heck out. So I need to ask some specific questions. First, are we talking zombies from a viral outbreak or are we talking about magical voodoo zombies?
Jarbo: I’ve always liked the idea from the Romero’s standings, they’re slow moving, they’re a constant wave. The running zombies, they’re fun but they seem kind of fake to me. So let’s go with the old school, walking zombies.
Maeve: Ok, yeah, because those running zombies from a couple of the new movies out, they freak me the heck out. So running zombies, if there wasn’t, well we’re not going talk about that, but if there was, I’ve got an extra road right there in the ocean. I’ve got a seawater distillation, it’s a little pump, I can make fresh water, we get fish, and we’re good. But slow zombies, that’s perfect. I’m down in San Diego National City/Chula Vista area. We got 4 horses. Pretty much what my evacuation plan deals a lot with machetes, knives, axes and getting the heck out of the city via the horse trails up in to Cuyamaca Mountains. We all know that zombies walk downhill. All the movies where I see the zombies, they either walk in flat or they’re going downhill. They do not shamble well uphill. Well, the second thing is you would want to get away from people. I don’t know why it is that zombies ramble so slowly, yet they can always catch you, I guess its numbers, because they’re like ants. They got the numbers on their side. They seem to be attracted to screaming virgins and people that think they’re going to shoot their way out of the situation. So, loud noise and screaming virgins. So you want to stay away from both of those. If you can possibly get a bicycle. Definitely, the bike, because horses when they smell the undead, they shy away from them a little bit because of the creep factor. If you can get anywhere around moving waters. So me and my buddies, we actually have a cabin up in the mountains. It’s fully stocked and certified, pretty much in case of an airborne, bird flu virus that the government talks about. So the cabin is totally stocked, so that would be perfect. So the cabin’s got water on three sides, it’s up on the mountains, it’s got at least two months worth of food in there for 6 or 7 people. It’s got a really good basement, and there are knives and axes, but there’s no guns. I don’t like guns.
Jarbo: But do you think guns would be necessary? I mean, at least for getting away?
Maeve: Yeah, I think if they’re close enough. I’ve never seen any shambling zombies, Ok I have. In the very beginning you’ll see one or two shambling zombies but there are going to be a ton of gun-happy people riding around shooting anything that moves. So personally, I don’t even want to be around people, and especially in San Diego because they’re known for everybody, including my father, has a ton of guns. They’re all very NRA here.
Jarbo: There are tons of guns in San Diego, yes.
Maeve: (laughs) Yeah, especially with Mexico right on the border, especially on Cinco De Mayo. So, no. I don’t think guns are good idea because zombies, once again, are attracted by noise. Sure, you’ll shoot one or two of them, but they you’d got the rest of the flock coming over and checking out. So, no, I don’t think guns are good idea. They’re definitely a short fix, and if you’re talking dry undead zombies or if you’re talking squishy zombies. I’ve seen people shooting into zombies 10 to 12 times, 14 times and they still walk.
Jarbo: Well, because you have to hit the sweet spot. You’ve got to shoot them in the brain or remove the head, that’s like really the only way.
Maeve: That’s fine. Yeah. But have you ever tried to shoot someone from the distance?
Jarbo: I personally have never tried to shoot anyone other than with a paintball gun or air soft, but the average person cannot shoot past 20 feet accurately with a gun.
Maeve: I’m the only one who doesn’t really like carrying guns, but most of my friends are in the military so they kill people for living and they’re really good shots. We’ll be fine up in the mountains, but I’d really prefer it if they’d use axes, machetes, something that you don’t have to worry about not having anymore ammo.
Jarbo: True, but you d have to worry about the sharpness factor of the weapon. Now in your cabin, do you have a sharpening stone or anything that can do that kind of stuff?
Maeve: Oh, I have multiple. I’ve got an axe on my wall. And my daughter asks “Why do you even have an axe on your wall behind the door?”, “Ah that’s for zombies, I’m prepared”.
Jarbo: So you’re instilling the zombie survival techniques to your daughters?
Maeve: Yeah. They know it’s a phobia of mine. If you’re gonna have a phobia, it might as well be with something that you’re probably not gonna run into unless you live within Louisiana. It’s not the zombie survival that I think I’m really working with them, its survival. Because you know, a Crackhead, is more like a zombie, you know.
Jarbo: Yeah, instead of wanting brains, they want crack!
Maeve: Their behavior, they stumble around, they’re not really thinking. You can’t really know with them.
Jarbo: Let me ask you this, let me ask you. So you got a cabin on the woods, you got a supply of food for 2 months for 7 people, and you have your friends and you have your family. Now who would you take? Who would be the 7 people that you would take with you to your cabin, and why?
Maeve: Ah see, that would be a hard thing for me because I’m a bleeding heart, you know, “Oh we could save everybody. Everybody could climb up to the cabin.” That would be hard. Ah, it would be myself, my mother, my 2 daughters, my Dad because he’s got the keys.
Jarbo: Would you keep those like reserved spots for anyone along the way like with a specific skill like the last caller who wanted nerds to program satellites and fly a Gulfstream? Yeah, would you wanna find, like in San Diego, there’s a lot of different kinds of people, there’s mechanics, there’s the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) that’s out here, there’s-
Maeve: Oh, I’m in the SCA.
Jarbo: Oh, you’re in the SCA. So you probably kicked everybody’s ass?
Maeve: I do really well in close encounters. That’s the other reason I don’t use guns, because I was raise with swords and shields, just beating crap out of people.
Jarbo: So you would be in there with sword and shield, horde the zombies, cut them into pieces. That would be great, I actually want to see that.
Maeve: Have you ever seen them bite through armor? No, always with the girls with the low cut shirts that are getting bit.
Jarbo: So what you’re saying is if you’re a girl with big tits, definitely don’t go anywhere near a zombie, because you’re screwed.
Maeve: (laughs) Yeah, especially if you’re not a virgin. You know, they love the non-virginal blood. The last two spots, seriously, would probably go to my military buddies. Like I said, they kill people for a living and they’ve got insane survival skills. They’re teddy bears when they’re not working, but when they’re working they’re scary. So I definitely would bring two scary people.
Jarbo: Awesome. So let me ask you, I guess pretty much the big question aside from the how would you survive this, what would you do if you were bit? Would you kill yourself? Would you wait, or would you just take on your life as a zombie?
Maeve: Oh, negative. No, there’s no way I would take on life as a zombie. Are we talking like you bite and you die?
Jarbo: Yeah, a bite and you will succumb eventually.
Maeve: Yeah, if I got bitten, definitely I would make sure I can help out as best as I could and have the guys take me out by chopping off my head. You know, say my goodbyes, and say “I love you”. There’s no way that I would live as a zombie.
Jarbo: So you have your plan, all the way till the out, in case that ever happens. I figure that’s pretty in-depth. You will go out to middle of nowhere, you already have a plan, so you’ve been thinking about this. That’s amazing. And that’s really all the time that we have for this week. Thank you very much Maeve for being on the show. I appreciate it.
Maeve: Thank you very much Jarbo for having me.
Jarbo: Awesome. And as always, you guys can go to www.Zurvivalist.com, or you could message me on there if you want to be on the show. Until next week, we’ll see you guys later and think about how you would survive a zombie outbreak. Goodbye!