I havent written a blog in a while because I havent really felt like it. I’ve been broke, I’ve been sad, I’ve felt like a piece of shit excuse for a human being and that’s the way its been; but monday… it’s over. After 3 months of ‘here and there’ work or no work at all; eating rice and lentils; getting short on insulin for Chena; drinking south american tap water; killing millions of flies and spiders; borrowing minute amounts of money from friends (which is something I’ve never had to do before) … it’s over, or at least different from here on out. I have at least one friend here now; some others are less interested in being friends, but that’s because I’m spooky (Spokane remembers). I’d change if I knew how without dumping everything about myself that might be worth a damn. Even if not worth a damn in a “successful member of society” way.. maybe I could at least make an attractive corpse if given the chance.
I have a feeling that whether I travel or stay in one place everything will be the same for me as long as I’m still me. I’ve broken too many backs in my past to go backwards with full cooperation from the broken and I don’t know how; nor know if I want to, move forward just to accomplish a repeat of whats happened in the past. stuck stuck stuck.
After the “christmas ghost” incident (that I still need to finish) I haven’t drank as much till this week but at least its with someone around my age and not someone old enough to me my mom. I stopped the whole theory that I would start smoking to feel more like a writer and I stopped eating any meats again. Soon I’ll cut out chicken entirely as soon as I get my money and can start buying more proteins than lentils, garbonsoz and milanesa. I WILL find tofu.
I’m going to write a short film about zombies. (lets see how long I believe that)
I’m going to watch a Christmas movie. Bad Santa or Elf?
