I truly wish I had never met any of my extended family or new siblings. I can’t handle it. Sarah has lost all interest in me. If she’s not excited to know more about me then why should I pursue the relationship? I guess it was exciting for a couple days and then she met me and decided I wasn’t what she expected.

I’m not excitable or nostalgic. I won’t cry when I see someone I have one memory of when I was 4 but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a big sister.

Makes me wonder if I should at least attempt a relationship with my niece Deja by taking my boyfriend and his brother to her work for some drinks. Probably also a bad idea, she too will be like “big deal” and the no plans “see you around”‘s will follow. I don’t know how to do this, I don’t know how to handle this and I wish we lived in Coasta Rica.