My shops are doing awful this month. I don’t know what’s wrong, suddenly nothing I make is popular thanks to some Ellen episode I’ll never see because I haven’t had cable in a decade.

I spend my days lately pulling my hair out trying to get people to come back to my shop. I’m trying to revise listings and add new stuff while I wait it out but I need to get some actual work done. The Ritalin isn’t cutting it.

It just has to be the month we move into a house and spend a ton on furniture that I have no money at all to chip in. I feel torn in a million directions, 10,000 for every tab open on my laptop, not knowing what to focus on or do to remedy anything. I imagine artists sitting back and just making stuff, while eventually it just all works out, but the way my mind works is that there a deadline and I need money now, now, now. One way doesn’t work right away, I’ll ditch it and try something else futile. I need a coach, rules, structure. I never lerned any structure growing up, so I can’t make myself now and don’t know where to start. I love how the first 16 years of my life pretty much made me and I can’t seem to be anything more.