I am most definitely a socially inept person. I never know the right thing to say or the right way to act. What I think I want to do or say is almost certainly the wrong thing, a non funny joke, insensitive, a dark point of view.  I just think I’m extremely unsocialized due to a mostly lonely childhood and resulting lonely adult life.

A few people have just gotten to know me enough to not expect me to act normal I think, most people have just gone away, or I have, to spare them the trouble of having to deal with my awkwardness. There’s only two people I’ve ever been able to be silly, open, and strange with without worrying I will seem like an insane person, my friend of 20 years and my boyfriend. I’m pretty close to my friend’s mom and sister, but not totally relaxed. I’m sure at any moment that everyone will figure me out, roll their eyes and never talk to me again. I don’t want to dump my weirdness on them or make their already busy lives any harder by being a drama case. I desperately want to know how to act normal, just to spare people the worry and not feel judged or unrelateable. The new conclusion that I’ve come to however is that that will never happen and I should just stay away from people or only see them occasionally for a couple hours at most. The longer I’m around people, the more I start to worry and stress and get depressed, then I start to hole up and lash out. So, no more people I guess.

Does anyone else have issues interacting with other people? Does it get increasingly stressful the more you’re around them? wtf is wrong with me.. and please for the love that all that IS, don’t tell me or other people ” you just have to ____” or “try not to ____”. It IS NOT nor will it ever be that simple for anyone. Just because you don’t have to think about something doesn’t mean everyone’s brains work the same as yours. Go immerse yourself in another culture where you have no money and don’t speak the language and see how it feels before giving people advice about social anxiety .