Category Archives:Dreams


I can’t express the longing I feel for the places I visit in my dreams. They’re places I’m new to, yet they’re home. Lately I’ve been dreaming about Argentina, Spain and last night, Patagonia.

The city in Patagonia was completely new yet I had a life there. Often I dream about places more than once. A city on the coast of South Africa, a triangle shaped Victorian apartment overlooking the sea.

A neighbourhood in Buenos Aires under a series of overpasses (no such area in the city that I know of) with a market and clubs, A city with an l train and airport above it, I’m usually lost in this one on my motorcycle trying to navigate the confusing roads.

This city in Patagonia might be my favorite of them all. It starts with a woman walking into town, showing my the place. We start in the mostly treeless hills around the city, green and beautiful. We pass a hillside cemetery where some of the headstones are falling over a bit. A raven is trying to knock on a statue with a circle, hitting the circle like a button but nothing happens.

The woman has a drone and I see the surrounding hills from a birds eye view, some of the time with the drone itself in view. Below are some trees, people walking into town, glimpses of the city in the distance.

I get into town and the streets are wide like a South American or Mexican village and I start to suspect where I am. I hear about a rich man who spent so much money getting his things there that he was going broke (reminded me of a guy I met in Argentina who paid $10k US to ship his things to Buenos Aires and they were all stolen). I walk past the place where the ‘rich man’ works, the business he owns, and he’s frustrated and panicked about something. There is a large seal hanging around the parking lot and it’s wild yet friendly, having come up some channel from the ocean to visit. I spend some time with him, playing and rolling around wrestling I notice he looks super cute and try to take a photo but then he just looks like a baby so I don’t. He gets annoyed with me and goes away for a while but we eventually become friends again and snuggle on a couch.

I have a job, they’ve given me two computers, a desktop and laptop and I work in an office full of standing desks and sort of punkish women (south american style punks, the best). At some point I’m lying on a table waiting to get measured because we’re supposed to order wet suits for something. I ask about what shipping it like, because everything can take forever, but really I only know about shipping from the US. Everyone gets distracted talking about that and I just get up and go to the front desk area where some mail is waiting for me, including a calendar that looks like it’s taken a year to get to me. Dirty, previously damp.

I poke my head in some guys office and they’re chatting about suicide or something. I mention a guy I dated who was suicidal, not mentioning that I often am as well. The guy sitting asks if it’s always been a thing of just this generation and I think it’s probably most people in our generation, thanks to the state of the world.

But this place is shut off from most the world, isolated yet modern in its own way. I want this job, I want these friends, I want that life in that city.

I tried to find it on a map but no luck yet if it really exists. I can’t decide if these places I dream about exist and my context or location is off or if my brain is actually just creating them. Homes I can never have, places I can never go, lives I can never live.

Just the Three of Us

I dreamed that I was in a house on the coast, or a river, and I was in a big open high ceiling living room having a freak out. Worrying, stressing, ranting. I was also outside watching this and another me was out there, calm, smartly dressed, and I told me that it’s a good time to ask me any questions I might want to ask the me that doesn’t have anxiety, ADHD, stress over everything etc – I couldn’t think of anything to ask.

I feel like I wasted a really good opportunity but what exactly would I even ask. What’s it like being normal?

Dream Journal #12: My left foot

I’m floating in an indoor wave pool, sitting on a tube surrounded by dozens of other people, including my cousin K.. I’m not having anything of a time, meaning to say I have no emotion about the whole thing. I’m not a fan of swimming but I don’t mind being on it so that anxiety never comes. My cousin seems to be having a good time but we decide to leave. While getting ready to go I realize my left foot hurts. I look at the bottom of it and find sever stitches across the bottom and one end of them is red and black – like necrotic flesh black. My foot is actually a transplant and the stitches are there from the previous owner I’m guessing. I point it out to my cousin and tell her it’s not normal and I should go to urgent care. She agrees but not until after we go home (her mother’s home) and get dressed and cleaned up. I agree but don’t lose focus.

When we arrive the house is packed with people I know, used to know, and know only from my dream. The house is a mess, especially the slew of couches fit around a large room at the font of the house. I find my cousin’s mother (who is actually a woman I knew in Portland or I may have called her my aunt) and let her know I need a ride to Urgent Care. She seems to agree to give me a ride and disappears to, I assume, get ready. I start looking around the house for my purse. I can’t go to the hospital without my ID and insurance card, however I’m having no luck. The woman still hasn’t appeared so I decide to sit down on a messy couch across from my uncle Rene, who is not father to my cousin btw. I notice my left leg was itchy and look down to see my entire leg covered in black veins, all the way up to my thigh and black areas forming on the side and top of my foot. I freak out a bit and tell my uncle I need to go to the emergency room, he replied with “what, for an abrasion on your leg?”. I tell him “no, my foot is going necrotic or I have a flesh eating bacteria!”. He blows me off.

I get up and look for my purse more vigorously with no luck. I start asking if anyone’s seen it and go outside to look around and find my brother out there flirting with some woman. He offers to help look and asks what it looks like “it has a roller derby logo” I say, which is not a purse I own, and my brother is not nice or helpful. Smiling like a drunkard he pretends to help for a minute before going back to flirting.

At this point, all I want is a phone to tell my partner where I am and what’s happening. He’s too far away to give me a ride but the more no one cares the more it seems more realistic. My phone is in my purse and for some reason I assume no one else has one. I start to comb the house again, thinking about the reality that I might die or lose my leg. I realize I’m not afraid to die, just not ready to, but everything seems totally out of my control. I go outside again in some last ditch effort to get someone to help. A man is standing just outside the doorway and I tell him to call 911. He just looks at me and laughs, my tongue starts to swell and fill my mouth so when I try to repeat myself I just mumble with frustration. He smirks some more and right when I’m about to black out, wondering if I’ll wake up in a hospital or never, he looks like he might be getting a phone out of his pocket. I wake up.

A fun one folks.

Photo: My actual foot after I sprained it for the 2nd time, after breaking it a couple years prior. My boots saved my leg on this one. I dropped my bike in the sand and sand in my throttle from an earlier drop (sand sucks) kept my tire spinning, my leg hit the wheel while trying to step over it. Probably would have been a really bad compound fracture in the least. Me dumb.

Dream Journal #11: Wedding Bull

friend from long time ago is having a wedding. We both live in trailers and she’s getting ready in hers but coming over to ours to get a dress. Me and Ross leave to get some snacks and gifts but we’re hours from anywhere so we end up just going to some market in a nearby town and getting some junk food. We go back and it seems like we wait forever until it’s time to go to the wedding, its about 4am eastern time and the wedding is on the west coast. We travel instantly to a large church with several sermons going on in different parts, all kind of culty with intense preachers. While waiting for the wedding I sit at one sermon and leave when they start trying to talk to me.
For some reason I leave the area entirely, maybe to avoid the weird cult, and end up lost trying to get back to the wedding via secret doors and elevators in fountains and manholes all around some giant estate/castle. I make it there eventually and it’s just about the trashiest 2am wedding ever. Everyone is tired and bored.

Dream Journal #9: Mail

There was a classified paper or website with a photo of three bison or “beefalo” for sale. I knew I had to buy them or they’d be purchased for food. I called the woman on video chat and she was in a large room on stage in front of a crowd, preaching or selling something, along with a man. She seemed scammy. Even though she answered she didn’t look at me, just kept on talking. I tried to talk to her but she hung up on me. I called back and she was very evasive.

For a good part of the dream I was a mail carrier, it was all packages but I was delivering them to small boxes indoors, like PO boxes. I had a hard time matching up the addresses with the boxes, some packages were opened and I had contents loose in my mail bag, mostly socks and gloves. I was afraid to check back in with work until I had figured out whose items these were but couldn’t find the correct boxes or addresses anywhere.

I end up at some grocery store in the deli section stressing out about what to do. Someone tells me to just keep at it, so the next day I take packages to a large compound that houses hundreds of really poor families. The children are terrors and are trying to get into the packages before I can put them in their mail boxes, some have managed to open a couple packages that had food in them and the boxes were torn open and empty. The addresses were hard to figure out, roman numerals some times or hard to read, like drawn in charcoal. I’m still very slow at it and trying to fight off the kids. I woke being reminded of this kid who threw firecrackers at me when I was an icecream driver in a cushman (3 wheeled motorcycle). He wouldn’t stop so I pushed his hand away and he freaked out “you can’t touch me!” and I said “well you can’t blow your firecrackers up in my face”. His parents just watched from the porch and didn’t give a shit. I tried to drive away and the kid and some friends who were watching jumped on my cushman’s freezer box on the back and were trying to tip me over. I was going fairly slow, trying to get them to give up but we got all the way to a park down the street when 2 men in the park saw and ran over to chase them off. Then, maybe worse than the kids, the men didn’t even look at me or say anything, just walked away. Thanks, I think?… that lovely memory kept me awake for an hour or so. It was like a memory of getting mugged, which I have a few times as well (for ice cream, a camera and unsuccessfully).

photo: Bison in a zoo in Buenos Aires, Argentina. 10+ bison in less than an acre of space. So sad.

Dream Jounal #9: The Witch

I was in a house full of children and there were a few adults in charge. One of them was an evil witch and another a ‘good witch’? The evil witch planned to suck the life out of the children but in the meantime had gone to bed. The good witch sneaked into her room and put a plant in her bed, that looked like dried lavender. As soon as the woman did this, everyone was suddenly transported to the same place, but in a dingy form. Everything was old and cracked, as well as the witch. As an observer I was suddenly there as well and the bad witch woke up and attacked. I pinned her on the ground and began to choke her or at least hold her head down, there was no choking face or drawn out horrors, her head simply disappeared. The good witch and I took the body to a pit and buried it.

Later that week, or month, I saw both witches in line at a bank and spent the rest of the dream trying to figure out if they know where I live and if they’ll come get me.

Dream Journal #8: A River

In the mountains somewhere and I need to use a bathroom or something, I have some reason for going up a steep rutty hill hill on my motorcycle in the forest. I look back down and all the ruts are filled with shiny, slippery, pine needles and I don’t look forward to going back down.

I find a cabin with a family living in it. Busy, and all the bathrooms are occupied, I finally find one open in the master bedroom. The bathroom is full of extra pans and kitchen utensils. There’s a low antique red/orange iron stove with pans on it like it’s used in there.

A memory from their past: the family gets home from somewhere and pull their Jeep into the garage. A bear rips through a hole in the back of the garage and starts sniffing around the doors before they get out. They back the Jeep out like they’re going to leave but instead get out and just try to ignore the bear, who’s belligerently drunk and has a cigarette. 😳 He leaves them alone.

I eventually leave the house and am looking for a way down the mountains. I come to a rushing river that makes some sharp turns and has several small waterfalls. I stare at it for a while and can’t tell which direction the water is flowing. I know what way its supposes to go but it clearly looks like it’s going uphill. I have this problem awake sometimes as well.

Something about riding bikes around the mountainous area with Ross looking for a place to possibly stay for the winter. An actual concern. Ugh.

Dream Journal #7: Robots and Coffee

Married to a robot, living outside by railroad tracks. Trying to watch TV on a stand and extension cord in someone’s driveway. Looking for exercise shows. An old lady is walking around her yard slowly, then bursting into impressive dance moves at random.
One show had Willy Wonka and____.

Large City public transport, go to a Starbucks to get an ice coffee and it ends up being $38. Go to bathroom and some guy keeps opening the door asking when I’ll be done. I look at my receipt and see it isn’t mine and includes a bunch of food. Really silly.

Dream Journal #5

Taking some people in a hike and have to go around some water to get to the trail head. We see some otters and I point them out. On the way to the trailhead the larger otter is messing with me and keeps biting my hand until finally won’t let go and it’s starting to hurt. It doesn’t look much like an otter anymore but a big black and white dog. I try to find a way to distract it and I eventually manage. Jerk dog.

Dream Journal #4

Riding motorcycle somewhere and it just stops, I’m behind a post office and call USAA for help but really I need to move the bike, they don’t show but an employee of USPS and kid who is a neighbor show. Ross also shows up to help. We take bike to a hotel to wait for the USAA insurance guy, hotel is in mall.

I’m a Student in apartment where friend comes over for some books and potpourri, brings a shot that I take half of, cinnamon whiskey. A woman shows up who’s supposed to be my Mom but is tall, blonde and beautiful. She’s mean to me, gives me a wedgie for cussing, makes rude comments. I try to stand up for myself and attempt to get even but can’t catch her and she laughs at my struggle and anger. She does some exercises on a machine because she’s recovering from surgery on her stomach. She’s been trying a year and it has not helped, she’s doing it too hard and fast. I go back into my now empty apartment and try to do some gymnastics stuff on bungee straps hanging from the ceiling but their too long and a just end up on the floor.

Finally the USAA guy shows and I go to get the bike with a girl I know, maybe Jiorji, and the bike is gone. I go back up front to tell them (in mall) then return to look for it, I decide it hasn’t left the hotel area and start busting down doors and see it in a room with some guys standing next to it. Don’t think I do anything else, just find it.

Walking through the mall with some people, step on a spoon and it hits me in the face, I pick up some large red spoons with holes in them and try to walk while looking through the holes. Make it to a room and have to wait outside for some reason so I sit  on the ground and start looking at shoes in a pile. I find sandals with a solar powered clock on the back and some girly boot heelies which I’m excited about and use, impressing everyone and I do slides and wheelies.

Dream Journal #6: The upset

In a 4×4 suv with Ross driving, the road is falling away on one side and we go off the road but manage to point down the hill and stay in control. Just off the road is a homeless tent and we have to drive over part of it, odd place for a tent when accidents are so likely there. We get turned around and drive back up hoping there was no one in the tent but also don’t want to find out there was.

Im getting food somewhere and at the register when I realize I left something on a counter. I step away for a second to get it and come back to find some hippie guy doing something over by my wallet at the register. I realize right away he’s taken a credit card but he won’t give it back. He’s not denying it either. He’s even apologetic but still Just won’t give it to me. I’m in some other town and don’t know how to get ahold of the cops so I call some number I find and it’s wrong. It takes so long to try to find a non emergency police number that I decided I should just call the bank before he uses it.

We arrive at some house with someone’s baby in the back of the car, no baby seat. The house is full of many people, all vegans, and they have a food thing planned with some boring snack. I go in the kitchen and see a bunch of other stuff but it’s not for us. The baby was left on the back of the couch and I catch it before it falls and put it on the floor. It proceeds to joke about which cry is the creepiest, starting with normal baby cries to goofier and goofier ones making me laugh hysterically. I take my dog out to walk and realize I’ve left my cousins’ dog in the car (though they weren’t there when I got there) for hours and they probably have to pee really bad. I get them out for a walk.

Sitting at home and a zebra that acts like a dog shows up and is friendly but the zoo is on the way. When they take her someone says “she was actually a woman in a zebra suit and now she’s a prisoner”.

Living in a zombie world where everyone and everything is undead. I’m at a park and a guy with a baby suddenly turns human again, all I say to him is RUN so he can get home alive and attempt to stay that way.
Going out at night is dangerous for everyone and I don’t know what I’m doing but I need a cart and three people have one that I ask to use, they’re from another realm or something and one by one they drop dead, the remaining accusing me of doing something to them.
I’m with my cat, who talks, who is trying to be stealthg but I’m too big. He climbs a tree and i try to follow. We see a huge spider trying to play with or attract a dog. The spider turns into a man, young and stylish, on all fours still trying to get the dogs attention. He turns back into a spider and the dog continues to ignore him. Not sure if he wants to play or eat him. The guy/spider is from a party behind him in a house.

I’m hanging out with my friend Ash and her girlfriend, and another girl who I for some reason want to set up with my friends girlfriend. They all despise me, I constantly compare stories or complaint, say dumb things. Some guy is talking about older rpg games and I butt in and talk about just having played dragon age origins and how it was weird and he glares and says “that’s what I just said”. My friend’s girlfriend is talking about a surgery on her finger because of a tumor and I say ouch, she assums I’m saying ouch about myself and asks about my finger which also happens to be messed up. I was trying to not steal her story but one word was enough when coming from me.
She later tells me to try sending fish at some restaurant and I say I would sooner eat a person, she says do you really mean that and I don’t know, I might.
We’re at a table with my friend Ash’s family and it’s her mom’s bday or mother’s day. Leona her neice gives her a pot of flowers and I have nothing, feel like a tag along even though these people have told me I’m family. I brought nothing and had nothing to say.

Dream Journal #3

I’m trying to get to an airport. I park my car in a neighborhood and go to the same tall mall building I’ve seen in many dreams. When you get there you go up an escalator to a woman in neon yellow lipstick and sit in her lap like Santa. She does something and sends you on. Next step your go to a window where a woman also in neon yellow lipstick is making copper tags for the luggage with your name stamped into them except she puts my name on wrong every time. Aammburr, Umburr, Ambuir. She blames it on the music on the radio and says she’ll try again and call my name when she’s done. I suddenly realize I don’t have any luggage or ID. I’m flying to Redmond Oregon for some reason but I need my passport as well.
I run out of the airport check-in area and towards giant car sized elevators to try and get to ground level. Several other people board, the floor a grating, and most of them get off on a nearby floor. Now there is some guy with me I don’t know, young Asian man, were both trying to to ground floor like a race. When I get off the elevator I think it’s ground level but I have to run down several more floors of a parking garage and trying to run as fast as I can, the guy is faster. I then run down the street trying to remember where the car is, pushing the button on the key so it’ll beep. I can’t remember when my actual flight is so I’m freaking out that I’ll be late and wondering how I’ll get back faster than I got out. Traffic is bad so a taxi won’t help and I don’t think I can run all the way again. I don’t think I finish the dream. I do try to imagine why I’m going to Redmond and I know there’s somewhere after that I plan to hitchhike to. Even though my luggage doesn’t include any clothes and I can’t find my phone. I realize it’s a town I’ve dreamed about in the past more than once, country road, some patches of forest. The town is kind of like a compound with a lodge and lots of grass surrounded by trees. I can barely tell if it’s somewhere we’ve been in the RV, it seems so familiar, but I don’t think it’s real. The mall building is also really familiar but I’ve never seen an airport in it. Usually the airport is up a hill above town and you reach it by L-train, there is no neighbourhood around it. Sometimes the mall building is two buildings with a walkway over water or a road but this is the one that’s as tall as an office building with a maze of a mall and half the shops closed and covered in semi transparent plastic sheeting.

Earlier, I’m hiding around an abandoned apartment with an old TV embedded in the wall, when I turn it on it’s just a radio. I’m hiding because I’ve taken down a homophobic notice on door that says they won’t rent to gay people and I’m sure I was on camera. I was on my way to my friends apartment but had to take the notice down and didn’t want to get her in trouble. I start to go down the stairs and she hears me and comes out calling down the stairs, i ask if she knows where somewhere else’s apartment is and she plays along, calls me another name. I feel stuck in the building and find the abandoned apartment and consider it for a place to hide.